I recently reread Diana Gabaldon's bestseller I Give You My Body: How I Write Sex Scenes as I revised my sex scenes to be more, well . . . sexy. Romance writers fear making a love scenes that falls into the "put Tab A into Slot B" sort of mechanical writing. It is the emotions that make for an effective sex scene.
As Valerie Douglas (V.J. Devereaux) says in her blog post, "Write emotion – love, passion, need – and write sensation – touch, smell, taste, hearing, sight. Draw the reader into the scene. If it’s not turning you on, it won’t turn them on either." This is so true. The sensations and emotions keep the reader engaged. We want to feel all the feels!
Emotions
Sex scenes may get our naughty bits all tingly, but they have to revolve around the character's emotions if they're in a romance story. The physical interactions help the characters with their internal development. Desiree Holt, the mistress of erotic romance, explains,
Whatever the case, the characters learn something new about themselves, something that ties them to their partner. This feeling of something new or raw, this impression of their partner is necessary for the relationship to continue. Because there is the necessary backslide—should the character continue to see this person? If one character thinks it’s a mistake, the pursuant needs something concrete to convince him to continue the chase. (This is taken from the excellent anthology by Shoshana Evers, How to Write Hot Sex).
If you re-read some of your favourite love scenes you will notice that we hear a lot not only about the physical sensations but also about the feelings of the characters--both through their internal thoughts and dialogue. They are communicating with each other, through touch, smell, taste, and the other senses, and processing this communication through their understanding of their relationship. See, all the feels.
Characters
How do you express the way the characters are communicating? That depends on the story arcs for the characters and the romance. They are learning about each other, expressing things to each other, and trying to understand how they fit or don't fit together (literally and figuratively). Beth Yarnall says,
The first sex scenes will be mostly physical, that scratching of the itch. The later sex scenes will be more emotional. To show this I often use different, softer language. The sex becomes less about physical sensation and more about how the characters feel about each other the further we get into the book. (Some Like It Hot: Writing Sex and Romance).
When the characters are getting to know each other they often have to go through several phases before they are ready to love each other--even if it's a second chance romance or if one person already loves the other, the point of the story is to develop the connections for all the participants. When they are more familiar with each other physically then they are learning to bare their souls and connect emotionally. Work this kind of development into your love scenes as they progress through your story.
All the moving parts
When you look at some of your favourite love scenes--or read Gabaldon's examples in her book--you may feel overwhelmed by the number of elements you need to incorporate into what may seem like a simple scene. So how do we balance all the moving parts of a sex scene--physical sensations, emotions, character and romance arcs, choreography, dialogue, levels of intimacy, the cosmic sense of their union? That's a pretty demanding slate! I decided to pick apart a few scenes to try and see how they did it.
Scene breakdown #1
Lauren Landish, Buck Wild (Bennett Boys Ranch Book 1)
In her Facebook Writer's Workshop group, Anastasia Hayward recommended using the highlighting system to analyze a scene, so I attempted this for a few kiss scenes in my Kindle Library. The first one is here and I will use the other examples in subsequent posts. Here is the key to the highlighting in the passage:
5 senses: Romance writers recommend including as many of the senses as you can - such as touch, taste, hearing
Dialogue: Intersperse language and nonverbal communication throughout the scene- as Diana Gabaldon says, a sex scene is a dialogue with actions
Action: This is an important part of how the scene works, and it requires choreography. It is usually a back and forth, give and take, between/among characters (depending on how many are involved)
Thoughts: An important part of showing how the character is reacting and how they are being changed by the experience is revealed through their thoughts
Reaction: This is physical reaction, since everything but dialogue and action are a form of reaction - love scenes are action-reaction cycles, essentially, but this needs to be spiced up with a variety of actions and reactions rather than making it repetitive
And here is how the short scene breaks down:
“And what about your sense of touch?” he asks. “What do you feel?” Before I can say a word, I feel his fingertips tracing up my arm, this time to find my jaw and cup it in his hand. He turns my head toward his, guided almost blindly before pressing his lips to mine. It’s sweet, not tentative, but it’s like he’s testing me out, exploring without pressuring me too much. Forward, but respectful . . . and exciting. I move my lips to adjust slightly, tasting him. He must feel my agreement because he takes our kiss deeper, hotter, more forceful. Setting my beer down, I wrap my arms around his neck, our tongues starting to tangle as he threads his fingers through my belt loops and pulls me into his lap to straddle him. Dimly in my mind I hear a clink as one of our beers tips over, but I really don’t care. Feeling his already thickening cock underneath me gives me another jolt, and I roll my hips against him, grinding myself against the ridge in his jeans. “My touch is telling me a lot of things . . . all of them good and hot,” I rasp as he kisses my neck. “Very fucking good.” He gently grabs my ponytail, pulling my head back to give him access as he moves down my neck, licking and kissing. He reaches for the hem of my shirt, slipping it over my head before cupping my bra in his hands.
First, let's look at the overall considerations. If you look at the colour pattern overall, you see there are three yellow swathes--Action--and then there are bits of Reaction/senses/thought (blue/pink/green) in quick succession before and after the Action chunks. In this one we have two dialogue lines--short, one by each of the two characters. Reactions (blue) occur after dialogue and action. I also noted that there is more thinking (green) occurs in the first half of the passage and then physical and sensory details take over in the second half. We also have the give and take or back and forth pattern between the two characters: he takes the lead at first, then she responds and acts and then he acts at the end. The senses described include touching, hearing, tasting.
What do we make of this, then?
Too much action in a row can kill the scene and make it feel mechanical. Include one or two actions/movements and then change it up with the other elements.
Dialogue can be sexy but you don't want to have a character narrate every little move and feeling--unless that's their shtick. Some characters really like their dirty talk, but still I think you'd want to make sure that there is variety in this too.
The Reactions help to show the communication between the characters. Show how it is a back and forth, give and take, by following the Action with a Reaction, which leads to another Action-Reaction pair.
Thoughts can help to move along the character's emotional growth--or lack thereof. This is an early scene in the story so the characters are still getting lost in the physicality of their interaction. But again, you don't want to overdo it or the reader will get bored.
As you are planning or revising your love scene, then, try to include the elements shown in the scene above--Action, Reaction, Sensory Details, Dialogue, Thought--to provide a well-rounded depiction of the relationship. If it feels like too much to include at one go, then start with choreographing the Action pieces, then add the Reaction. Then examine the pieces you have and start adding in the other elements at appropriate spots.
As Margaret Atwood says, "Good writing is rewriting." Nobody gets it perfect the first time around.
In subsequent posts I will look at other love scenes in the same way to see what we can learn.
In the meantime, happy writing!
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